‘Is my husband the cheapest man in America?’ We only eat out on our anniversary. | ET REALITY

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My husband never goes out and only reluctantly goes on vacation, except if we stay in a cabin in the mountains, and even then he doesn’t see why we should pay off our mortgage and pay rent somewhere else too. Never in my life has he bought me a single piece of jewelry. However, we both agreed before we got married that a diamond engagement ring was a waste of money.

She does all her shopping at big box stores, buying in bulk, and wearing clothes until they wear out. He doesn’t use social media. From time to time we will go out to eat an early bird menu, on special occasions like our anniversary. The most ironic part of this whole thing? He is an accountant! Is incredible.

‘He does all his shopping in big box stores, buys in bulk and wears clothes until they wear out. He doesn’t use social media.

My husband works in IT and makes $90,000 a year. I’m a teacher and I make $65,000 a year. We have a comfortable life. We have no children and our monthly mortgage payment is $1,600. We are approximately halfway through the life of our loan. We both have retirement accounts and are on track to have a comfortable life after we finally retire.

We have a good relationship and we will be in this for a long time. I go out with my friends when I need excitement and my husband stays home with our dog, watching golf and cooking shows. He bakes cakes as a way to relax. But I wish we did more together, and if he made me feel special every once in a while with a necklace or a bouquet of flowers, that would be nice too.

Is my husband the cheapest man in America? Or am I judging him harshly?

long distance wife

See also: ‘iPhones are depreciating devices:’ What’s a better deal: buying an iPhone 15 or investing $800 in Apple stock?

Dear long distance traveler,

There’s a big (free) silver lining to your story: When you hang up your chalk and your husband hangs up his mouse, you’ll have the comfort of knowing you didn’t waste your retirement on overly salty restaurant food, and hotel rooms with parking lot views. The more frugal and annoying you described your behavior in your letter, the more I liked your husband. A man who doesn’t spend all day browsing his AAPL iPhone,
-0.42%
!

I admire your independent spirit and self-restraint. He is a man who does not need affirmation through Instagram, Facebook META,
-3.66%
or Tiktok. And I also appreciate that you don’t need to be out and about socializing at five-star restaurants to feel validated. Without $190,000 Tesla TSLA,
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Model S Plaid for him! There is much to admire about her husband and that is reflected in her letter.

The average American home spends about $3,600 a year eating out – which is equivalent to $300 a month. That’s more than the average annual vacation budget (which was equivalent to $2,000 a year before the pandemic) and could afford a lot of things, like maybe a gold bracelet or a cruise now and then. Imagine her husband on a cruise. Maybe you’ll love it! I might hate it! She’d probably hate him. Or would he?

The lack of an engagement ring is a headline-grabbing detail, but it was a mutual and smart decision. Some people in the diamond industry suggest spending twice your monthly income on a ring. Diamond company DeBeers’ “A Diamond is Forever” marketing campaign, written by copywriter Frances Gerety in 1947, was a stroke of marketing genius.

Communicate your wishes. Suggest surprising each other with a monthly act of kindness.

Communicate your wishes. Suggest surprising each other with a monthly act of kindness. It’s the small acts of kindness that we remember: the person who approaches us at a party because he sees us alone; a friend’s kind word when we look tired and excited; and yes, the partner who bakes a surprise cake, cooks dinner, or buys flowers.

My last suggestion refers to something that appears in your letter: support (which goes both ways) and acceptance. Her husband seems to be more introverted, while you are on the other end of the spectrum. Being an introvert doesn’t always jibe with the age of social media, when everyone is supposed to be a star at lunchtime.

Some studies have shown that introverts who acted like extroverts increased their energy and mood, and while it takes a certain amount of performance in the workplace to make a good impression on colleagues and managers, move up the corporate ladder, and get that promotion and salary increase, it is also better to allow people to be themselves.

Introverts get a bad rap in the modern era. Extroverts may believe they are rude when in reality they are shy or just quiet. But there is a beauty in spending time with someone you love, like you do with your husband, and not having to talk or participate in an activity, but just occupying the same space and knowing that you want to be together. That’s good evidence for your imminent retirement.

You’ve bought yourself something more valuable than an engagement ring: a room with a view to your retirement, which I hope brings you peace of mind. More than a third of Americans They say they are losing sleep over their finances.. A therapist or financial counselor could help, but you can also give each other regular nudges about how you feel and how you would like your needs met.

In the meantime, enjoy your husband’s pastries. I’m sure they are delicious.

“Introverts get a bad rap in the modern era.”

Illustration by MarketWatch

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